It feels like a punch in the stomach! As I sit at my computer staring at the screen, my to do list, and the piles and piles of bills piling up… it suddenly hit me! Am I really living a Christ driven life? Or am I only kidding myself?
There is only so long that God will allow one to kid themselves about this! For me, I think He has finally gotten fed up with me. All I want to do is love my family, involve myself with Great Dane rescue, and take pictures with my camera… but I have to realize that God may have another plan! I have struggled very hard lately with living a Christ driven life. Why? Because as a photographer, our success depends much on how popular we are and who we align ourselves with in the industry. And it isn’t always popular to love Jesus.
So why does it take hitting rock bottom for me to admit that I have not let God be in control? Because I think hitting rock bottom is God’s way of getting my attention! It is His way of letting me know that my life is not about ME, but about HIM! And He wants to remind me of that. I go through my day to day life doing what I do. I blog, I spend time on Twitter and Facebook, I read other blogs, I edit photos, email clients, all of those things that are important to making it as a photographer… and before I know it, it is time to think about supper, making sure the kids have a bath, etc. I can’t tell you how many days have gone by recently where my husband has worked at his job all day long just to come home and find me sitting at the computer still wearing my pajamas that I was wearing when he left that morning, and no plan for supper! (So what does he do? Take control of supper… and cooks… and cleans! Really? God… how did I score such an amazing man?!) But before the day is over… how much of my time did I really focus on God or my family? NONE! I have continued to kid myself into believing that I am in fact living a Christ driven life simply because I give Him a shout out on the blog every now and then!
So here is what that punch in the stomach has taught me! I AM BROKEN! I am not perfect! I struggle! And for what? What I want out of my life? What I think my life should be about? YEP! It was definitely time for God to get my attention! Because my life, if Christ driven, should be about what God has planned for my life! And I need to accept the fact that His plan may have nothing to do with Great Danes or cameras!
I honestly believe without a shadow of a doubt that God’s plan for my life does, in fact, involve me being a photographer. I strongly believe that He has given me a talent and He has paired that talent with a passion! But God knows me better than anyone! He knows how to get my attention, and to hit me where it hurts! And just because I have talent and passion behind the camera, doesn’t mean that God will allow me to continue if His will is not being served!
So here it is folks… it doesn’t get any more honest or raw than this! We may think we are in control or that we are letting God be in control, but if we aren’t… God will sure get our attention! The measures that God uses to get our attention may start out subtle, but if we are listening we will hear Him. And I am hearing Him loud and clear today because I didn’t listen to those subtle messages! So with this bullhorn announcement from God telling me that I am pathetic, comes the birth of a new series on the blog!
You will have to bare with me while I work out how I want to do this new blog series. But I can tell you that it will be scripture driven! I may simply post a scripture that touches my heart, or I may also elaborate on how that scripture touched me. But remember this… I am broken! I am not completely versed in scripture. There are some people in this world who can give you a scripture that relates to anything you are feeling. Not me… I am not a Bible scholar. I can barely recite the books of the Bible… which I find totally silly since my father owns a Bible publishing company! I have been surrounded by Bibles as well as any kind of study material you can imagine for years. But guess who didn’t bother? ME! But I do know that God is speaking to me now! And I want to listen. And I want to grow. And I want to truly live a Christ driven life! If God’s steps for me lines up with the plan that I have made for my life, then it will happen. He will see to it. I have faith and total trust in Him now!
I hope that you will join me with this. Simple words of encouragement can do a lot! But if you want to help, please do! You may be able to refer me and my blog readers to another scripture that will help. Sharing stories or testimonies really help to humble us! So please… stay tuned for this broken child of God’s to get herself out of this funk and start truly living a Christ driven life!
23 The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. 24 Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand. Psalms 37:23-24 NLT
9 We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps. Proverbs 16:9 NLT
33 “But all who listen to me will live in peace, untroubled by fear of harm.” Proverbs 1:33 NLT
The following “UGLYDOLL” was given to me by one of my dearest friends in the world. This is Chuckanucka, and he sits on my shelf in my office and stares at me all day long! It serves as a reminder that I do not need to worry, because God will provide what is needed! I’m tired of spending my time worrying about things because it causes me to miss out on His blessings, and on those doors that He opens!
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