Thursday, July 29, 2010

I Am Broken

Posted in Christ Driven, Personal

It feels like a punch in the stomach!  As I sit at my computer staring at the screen, my to do list, and the piles and piles of bills piling up… it suddenly hit me!  Am I really living a Christ driven life?  Or am I only kidding myself?

There is only so long that God will allow one to kid themselves about this!  For me, I think He has finally gotten fed up with me.  All I want to do is love my family, involve myself with Great Dane rescue, and take pictures with my camera… but I have to realize that God may have another plan!  I have struggled very hard lately with living a Christ driven life.  Why?  Because as a photographer, our success depends much on how popular we are and who we align ourselves with in the industry.  And it isn’t always popular to love Jesus.

So why does it take hitting rock bottom for me to admit that I have not let God be in control?  Because I think hitting rock bottom is God’s way of getting my attention!  It is His way of letting me know that my life is not about ME, but about HIM!  And He wants to remind me of that.  I go through my day to day life doing what I do.  I blog, I spend time on Twitter and Facebook, I read other blogs, I edit photos, email clients, all of those things that are important to making it as a photographer… and before I know it, it is time to think about supper, making sure the kids have a bath, etc.  I can’t tell you how many days have gone by recently where my husband has worked at his job all day long just to come home and find me sitting at the computer still wearing my pajamas that I was wearing when he left that morning, and no plan for supper!  (So what does he do?  Take control of supper… and cooks… and cleans!  Really?  God… how did I score such an amazing man?!)  But before the day is over… how much of my time did I really focus on God or my family?  NONE!  I have continued to kid myself into believing that I am in fact living a Christ driven life simply because I give Him a shout out on the blog every now and then!

So here is what that punch in the stomach has taught me!  I AM BROKEN!  I am not perfect!  I struggle!  And for what?  What I want out of my life?  What I think my life should be about?  YEP!  It was definitely time for God to get my attention!  Because my life, if Christ driven, should be about what God has planned for my life!  And I need to accept the fact that His plan may have nothing to do with Great Danes or cameras!

I honestly believe without a shadow of a doubt that God’s plan for my life does, in fact, involve me being a photographer.  I strongly believe that He has given me a talent and He has paired that talent with a passion!  But God knows me better than anyone!  He knows how to get my attention, and to hit me where it hurts!  And just because I have talent and passion behind the camera, doesn’t mean that God will allow me to continue if His will is not being served!

So here it is folks… it doesn’t get any more honest or raw than this!  We may think we are in control or that we are letting God be in control, but if we aren’t… God will sure get our attention!  The measures that God uses to get our attention may start out subtle, but if we are listening we will hear Him.  And I am hearing Him loud and clear today because I didn’t listen to those subtle messages!  So with this bullhorn announcement from God telling me that I am pathetic, comes the birth of a new series on the blog!

You will have to bare with me while I work out how I want to do this new blog series.  But I can tell you that it will be scripture driven!  I may simply post a scripture that touches my heart, or I may also elaborate on how that scripture touched me.  But remember this… I am broken!  I am not completely versed in scripture.  There are some people in this world who can give you a scripture that relates to anything you are feeling.  Not me… I am not a Bible scholar.  I can barely recite the books of the Bible… which I find totally silly since my father owns a Bible publishing company!  I have been surrounded by Bibles as well as any kind of study material you can imagine for years.  But guess who didn’t bother?  ME!  But I do know that God is speaking to me now!  And I want to listen.  And I want to grow.  And I want to truly live a Christ driven life!  If God’s steps for me lines up with the plan that I have made for my life, then it will happen.  He will see to it.  I have faith and total trust in Him now!

I hope that you will join me with this.  Simple words of encouragement can do a lot!  But if you want to help, please do!  You may be able to refer me and my blog readers to another scripture that will help.  Sharing stories or testimonies really help to humble us!  So please… stay tuned for this broken child of God’s to get herself out of this funk and start truly living a Christ driven life!

23 The Lord directs the steps of the godly.  He delights in every detail of their lives.  24 Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand.  Psalms 37:23-24 NLT

9 We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.  Proverbs 16:9 NLT

33 “But all who listen to me will live in peace, untroubled by fear of harm.” Proverbs 1:33 NLT

The following “UGLYDOLL” was given to me by one of my dearest friends in the world.  This is Chuckanucka, and he sits on my shelf in my office and stares at me all day long!  It serves as a reminder that I do not need to worry, because God will provide what is needed!  I’m tired of spending my time worrying about things because it causes me to miss out on His blessings, and on those doors that He opens!

Nashville Wedding Photographers


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Posted in Christ Driven, Personal

11 comments

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Linda Holder - July 31, 2010 - 6:06 pm

Thanks for the book suggestion, I will go look at order it. Sounds like just what I need.

thanks
Linda

Wendy C. Photography - July 31, 2010 - 8:59 am

Hi Linda! Thank you for your sweet comment! I have been a photographer at the professional level for several years, and I still struggle with confidence! I think we are our own worst critics. May I suggest a book to you? You should totally check out a book titled “God Is At Eye Level” written by Jan Phillips. Talk about a confidence booster because after you read it, you will no longer be shooting for other people, but shooting for yourself! Amazing!

Linda Holder - July 31, 2010 - 12:30 am

Hello,

Wow! I loved your post and I know what you mean. I have been a hobby photographer, I love it, and recently people have been asking me at my church and friends to take photos for them, but I lack the confidence yet. I fall back on Jesus and know that “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Phil 4:13

I was searching the internet for presets in LR and found your site and read your Blog and know that this is a God moment. I love meeting other people with the same interests as me and that are Christ driven.

You are truly blessed and it was so nice to read your post.

Well I know I don’t know you, but you give me hope in this industry.

thanks
Linda

Wendy C. Photography - July 30, 2010 - 3:28 pm

Thank you Karen! That means a lot! I admire you guys for what you do! And I feel blessed to be able to be a part of that, even if it is just a tiny part!

Karen Dypolt - July 30, 2010 - 11:29 am

Perhaps broken, but the spirit is beautiful. God’s light is shining on you now even if it isn’t as bright as you feel it should be. Many times it isn’t until we hear someone else’s tragic story that we are reminded of our blessings. You have many gifts and many blessings in your life, Wendy. You have truly been a special blessing within my own life dealing within God’s plan for me.

Each one of the people i meet along the way in which share my joy and passion…who can understand why the tears are flowing, why the smiles are huge…..and who can love just as i do….were meant to be a part of my life. I am so proud to know you.

Wendy C. Photography - July 29, 2010 - 4:08 pm

Thank you Caroline!

Wendy C. Photography - July 29, 2010 - 4:07 pm

Thank you for your comment Meagan. Seeing how inadequate I am has been a tough lesson to swallow. But I am paying attention now!

Wendy C. Photography - July 29, 2010 - 4:06 pm

Thank you Scott. But learning to be honest with myself is the hardest part. I always seem to make excuses for myself, and at the time they all sound great. But hitting rock bottom sort of makes you take another look and realize they were just excuses. I have nobody to blame but myself. Thank you for always being so encouraging! I really do appreciate it! And thank you for the blog suggestion. I will definitely check it out. The idea of another photographer going through some of the same emotions is inspiring. Becoming a photographer is what has opened up my eyes so much! Thanks again Scott!

Scott - July 29, 2010 - 2:15 pm

Wendy, honesty is what makes you so attractive as a friend.

The pressures that we feel on a daily basis is just God molding us into what He wants us to be. It’s the age old story of the potter and the clay. A potter must continue to add force to that piece of clay, or it will just fold into a glob of clay, spinning wildly out of control. Without trials and troubles, we will never be what He has in store for us!

May I make a suggestion of a blog I read on a regular basis. It’s by a guy named Bill Fortney. If you don’t know who Bill is, give him a look. He’s a photographer that has been around for over 40 years. I have had the pleasure of meeting him, and going out to eat with him on a couple of different occasions. Bill is a photographer for Nikon, sorry, but more importantly, he is a devout Christian. His blog looks at Christianity through the eyes of a photographer!

Hang in there sister, and just stay in the center of that potters wheel. We don’t want you becoming a glob of clay spinning rapidly out of control!

Your friend!

The Pilgrims Chronicle’s
http://tinyurl.com/27clt56

Meagan - July 29, 2010 - 2:02 pm

Beautiful Wendy. Something we all need to be more aware of, just how inadequate we are without Him. Beautiful.

Caroline York - July 29, 2010 - 1:32 pm

So well put Wendy! He’s telling you to WAKE UP!! It’s great that your ears, heart, mind and soul are open to listen!! :)

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