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Coffee and Roses – Wedding Wednesday

Hello web peeps!  I am so happy that you found your way back over to the blog for another Wedding Wednesday.  Today’s post is going to be a little different.  I originally intended to post something relating to wedding planning ideas every Wednesday.  But I had an epiphany regarding my own marriage so I thought to myself, “Self… why does Wednesday have to only be about planning a wedding?  Why can’t it also be about planning your relationship?”  So after I gave myself a nice little pat on the back, I rushed to my laptop to start typing this post!  In case you can’t read the enthusiasm in my words, let me just tell you that I am doing my little happy dance again!  This epiphany that I had about my own marriage is something that I want to share with every couple that is getting married in hopes that it will one day help you with your commitment to each other!

When I got married to Scott in the year 2000, we included something a little different into our ceremony.  He and I both had been married before, and he had two children from his first marriage.  After counseling with our minister, he suggested a rose ceremony.  What this involved was Scott and I exchanging a rose with each other, as well as us presenting a rose to each one of the children at the alter.  This was perfect because it brought the children out of their seats and up to the alter with us.  It allowed us to involve the children into our ceremony, and it served as a sign that I accepted and loved his children just as much as I did their father.

The premise behind the rose ceremony was explained by our minister to everyone after the rose exchange!  The exchange served as our first gift to each other as husband and wife.  It was beautiful, and he encouraged Scott and me to love each other unconditionally… to never go to bed angry about anything… to never go to bed without saying “I love you” and “Sweet dreams.”  The rose is a symbol of love, and that symbol carried over into our lives for several years after our ceremony.

Our minister ended up giving us a rose bush as a wedding gift. It was beautiful and unexpected when he handed it to us during the rose ceremony. He told us that when Scott and I were angry with each other about something, no matter how big or small, that we were to go pick a rose from the rose bush and leave it on each other’s pillow on our bed as a symbol and reminder of our love when it is difficult to say, “I’m sorry.”

Well… this worked fabulously, until I killed the rose bush! And it was all down hill from there. Scott and I almost got a divorce not too long ago. It was a terrible time in our lives, and the entire family is suffering from it.  Our immediate and extended families were all effected by our problem.  Scott and I were still living in the same house with each other, but we couldn’t even be in the same room.  We had different living quarters.  We slept in separate bedrooms, had separate living rooms, and usually met each other at the door in passing when he came home from work and I got in my car to leave!  It was HORRIBLE!

But then one day I woke up after he had already left for work, and I came downstairs to a freshly brewed pot of coffee.  My coffee mug, a spoon, the sugar, and the creamer were all laid out neatly on a paper towel in front of the coffee pot.  I wanted so badly to pour it out just for spite and fix my own pot of coffee, but let’s face it… he has always made tastier coffee than I.  So I resisted the urge to make another pot, and I drank what he had fixed for me.  I knew I should have addressed him when he came home that night and thank him for the pot of coffee, but I just couldn’t.  I couldn’t look at him.  I couldn’t speak to him still.  I was getting a divorce from him and that was final!

We still fought about things every day that we were around each other… but mostly we just tried to avoid each other.  But it never failed.  I woke up every morning to a fresh pot of coffee.  Eventually I became confused. I just couldn’t understand why he continued to make sure I had coffee every morning when he had expressed to me over and over that he wanted a divorce just as much as I.  But you know what?  This pot of coffee became our rose bush! He never even drank any of the coffee for himself.  It was always a special pot just for me.

I’m still not sure to this day if Scott knew what he was doing when he began fixing me coffee every morning.  It confused me at first, and I experienced a roller coaster of emotions over the few months that went by after he started making coffee.  But it eventually led to us speaking to each other, and ultimately working out our problems.

We have both gone through a huge transformation since we decided to make our marriage work.  For me, it took me handing everything over to God and letting Him drive for a while.  And I still have to fight the urge to leave Scott every single time we have an argument because I had accepted the fact that he and I were over.  But it is different now.  I feel for the first time in our marriage that he and I are together because we WANT to be… because we DESERVE to be… because God INTENDS for us to be together.  I no longer feel like I HAVE to be with him simply because we have children together.  I no longer feel like I HAVE to be with him because I am SCARED to be on my own.  We are together because we CHOOSE to be together.  And that is the greatest feeling in the world!

I still get my pot of coffee every single morning.  That has never stopped.  That is the one tiny thing that he continues to do for me every single day that makes or breaks the way my day pans out.  That pot of coffee has become a symbol in our marriage just like the rose was meant to be.  The good thing about the coffee is… I CAN’T KILL IT.

Today I am happy to tell you that I love my husband more than ever, and am extremely happy with him.  We still have spats every now and then, but it is NOTHING like it used to be.  I’m not sure what kind of transformation he made or what changed in his heart and mind, but he is a totally different person than he had became at one point in our marriage.  I can see that it is difficult for him sometimes when he wants to be angry with me, but he just breathes it off and continues to make my coffee and speak respectfully… even if I lose my temper.

So the object of today’s Wedding Wednesday is to encourage all couples getting married to keep in mind that it isn’t always going to be perfect.  You have to plan your marriage strategy the same way you would plan a vacation every year or your retirement.  You have to give something extra to each other every single day.  Don’t fall into your daily routines of life every day and just assume that your bride or groom “just knows” that you love him or her.  You need to show them… and always remember that actions speak louder than words!

I LOVE YOU SCOTT!

So I’m curious… do you have a rose symbol in your marriage?  What do you do when you and your spouse get upset with each other to make it right?  If you aren’t married… have you thought about this?  What about now?  I’m sure there are many spats to be had while planning a wedding!  I would really love to hear from everyone… married or not!  What do you do?  What advice do you have for my readers?  Post some comments people.  And for crying out loud… SUBSCRIBE TO THIS BLOG!

This photo was taken of me and Scott while standing on top of a sand dune at the White Sands National Monument in New Mexico.  My friend Meagan took this shot of us at sunset.  I know I have posted this shot before on another post, but I absolutely love this picture of us.  It is probably my favorite picture because you can FEEL our love for each other when you look at it.  It is full of emotion.

Nashville Wedding Photographers:  Wendy C. Photography

Vickie - March 17, 2010 - 10:03 pm

Great blog!
I love reading about the ups & downs of marriages – makes me know I’m normal.
The biggest ‘one-sided’ fight my husband & I ever had was early in our marriage – outside in the backyard – in the summer – on a Saturday afternoon. Of course, the neighbors were entertained by it all I’m sure. I can just see it now…my husband leaning on a shovel & I’m yelling at him like a crazy woman, then walking half way back to the house only to turn around & walk back to finish the job – over & over & over. He never said a word. He just watched me walk back & forth from the house to him, to the house & back again. And he never moved from the shovel – just leaned on it – staring at me like I had lost my mind.
Love this quote… “Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. ~Phyllis Diller 1966

[...] Read more: Coffee and Roses – Wedding Wednesday « Nashville Wedding … [...]

Cilene Bosch - April 28, 2010 - 9:05 am

Great blog Wendy. I almost cried!!!! May you never have to have your own coffee again.

[...] for us that we almost gave up, but through tons of prayer, determination, swallowing our pride, and selfless coffee we were able to celebrate our ELEVENTH YEAR ANNIVERSARY yesterday. ELEVEN [...]

Mad Gab Monday!

It’s Monday again and you know what that means!  I’m so happy to see so many people participating in Mad Gab Monday.  It kind of gives us something to look forward to on Monday’s doesn’t it?  Monday’s are bad enough as it is!  So yay to Mad Gab!

Remember… the object here is to listen to what you are saying.  It’s not what you see, it’s what you hear!  So take a look at the Mad Gab, and then give your best guess in the comment section here.  I will publish everyone’s comments on Thursday so you can see what everybody guessed.  I think this one is a bit harder… let’s see.

Ready?

Set?

Go!

Nuke Id Sun Deep Lock

Nashville Wedding Photographers: Wendy C. Photography

Scott O'Neal - March 15, 2010 - 8:13 am

OK, here goes:

“New Kids On The Block”

OK, what do I win?
Nothing, that’s all right, I’ll see you this coming Sunday at the LR Seminar!
Have a great day!

samantha mullis....Huckabee - March 15, 2010 - 2:45 pm

New Kids On The Block!!!!!!

Jason - March 15, 2010 - 2:55 pm

New kids on the block!!

Lisa Powers - March 15, 2010 - 3:04 pm

New Kids on the Block

Barry D - March 15, 2010 - 3:13 pm

Could it be…
new kids on the block?

matt huesmann - March 15, 2010 - 3:18 pm

The MAd Gab is the hot group- “New Kids On the block”- yeah it pays to be from the eighties.. HA!

Thomas Spragg - March 15, 2010 - 3:52 pm

New kids on the block

Vicki Hardy - March 15, 2010 - 3:54 pm

New Kids On The Block

John Dunahoo - March 15, 2010 - 8:16 pm

So we battened down the hatches and prepared to fight
Then all of a sudden I seen the light
The time was right, the time to rock
’cause everybody knows, we’re the new kids on the block.

new kids on the block

MRMMrflip2u - March 16, 2010 - 6:32 am

Mr Jack Daniels at the JD store???

Danny Douglas - March 16, 2010 - 7:58 am

I loved this band: New Kids On The Block

Jason Burcham - March 16, 2010 - 12:43 pm

New Kids On The Block

Donna Tomlin - March 16, 2010 - 9:42 pm

after a couple of days saying this over and over then only thing I can come up with is. New Kids on the Block.

Wendy C. Photography - March 18, 2010 - 6:51 am

You guys rock! Thank you so much for playing Mad Gab with me every week! I think I may have made this one a little more difficult. You guys are too smart for me. I think it helped some of you being from the eighties era. I know I thought New Kids On The Block was the greatest thing since chocolate milk! I can still see them dancing around in their parachute pants. (SIGHS)

Be sure to come back next week for another stab at Mad Gab! And thank you so much for hanging out with me every Monday! MUAH! I love you guys.

Jack Daniel, Fried Chicken, And Pot Roast… Oh And Let’s Not Forget The Apples

I will never look at Jack Daniel’s whiskey the same again. It has always been something that I never really cared about because I am not a drinker. I never understood the hype about the stuff. “What’s the big deal?” Whiskey is whiskey!

Well… I spent the better part of the day with members of the Nashville Photography Meetup Group on a private tour of the Jack Daniels Distillery. Myself and twelve other photographers met up in Lynchburg at the distillery for some photography fun and fabulous history! I had no idea how fabulous it was going to be! History has always interested me, and when you pair up history with a ton of people who are passionate… sparks will fire!

When we first arrived at the distillery, I have to admit that I had doubts! When thirteen photographers walked into the welcome center with backpacks full of photography gear, we were almost escorted out by security. Well… maybe that is exaggerating just a bit, but they were very quick to tell us that they would very kindly provide us with lockers for our camera gear. Talk about steam rolling out of our ears! I almost blew a gasket! I was told when I made a reservation for our tour that we would be allowed to carry our cameras everywhere except for one single place where photos were not allowed to be taken.

The lady behind the visitor’s center counter didn’t know what to do! She was very apologetic, and immediately called someone in charge. After speaking to Randall Fanning on the phone for a couple of minutes, she handed me the phone so that he could also very nicely tell me where the lockers are located. At this point I am livid!

So with my head hung down and my tail tucked between my legs, I walked back over to my group and very hesitantly told them that we would not be allowed to take our cameras with us! I was bracing myself to get my butt chewed out because some of the members of the group had driven there from the other side of the state for this tour that I set up for them. But no sooner than the words came out of my mouth did the little lady from behind the counter come back over and told me that they were going to make things right! And they did!

We ended up on a private tour of the grounds, and we were allowed to take our cameras. There were a few places inside the buildings that we were not allowed to shoot because of Homeland Security rules… but that’s okay! The grounds outside had so much character and history that we could have been just as happy not even entering those buildings. But the most impressive element, to me, was the cave spring water which flows year round at a constant temperature of 56 degrees, virtually iron free and is naturally filtered by the limestone that surrounds it. If you haven’t figured it out by now… I have this thing about water!

This history of Jack Daniel himself is very interesting. If you haven’t ever visited the distillery, I strongly suggest doing so!  Thank you so much to Mr. Randall Fanning with Jack Daniel’s Distillery for making things right for us and allowing us to keep our gear while touring your grounds.  I’m sorry for the misunderstanding, but I’m here to tell you that your hospitality and graciousness will forever be remembered!

All of the staff at the distillery is spectacular, and their love for the history of Jack Daniel is overwhelming.  Our guide was amazing and I can’t begin to give him justice.  He made our time on the distillery grounds worth every minute!

After leaving the distillery, we all headed over to Miss Mary Bobo’s for lunch!  I have always heard great things about this place, but had never had the opportunity to visit until this trip.  Again… this history is amazing!  This boarding house is fabulous and BEAUTIFUL!  We were served fried chicken, pot roast and carrots, carrot salad, cabbage casserole, peas, fried okra, corn, candied apples, and rolls.  I don’t even know where to start about how good the food was!  But the service is just as spectacular!

We were seated into a private dining room around a large table and served family style.  Our hostess stayed with us the entire time and kept us laughing and talking about Lynchburg history!  When we ran out of a dish of food, the kitchen would bring us another!  The food never stopped coming, and we were full before we even got our plates fixed!  After eating the main course, we were served coffee and fudge pie.  I don’t know how I managed to finish that piece of pie… but I did.

I am already planning my next trip to Miss Mary Bobo’s Boarding House.  My friend is coming to visit me from Florida this Easter, and I am crossing my fingers that I will be able to get us a reservation.  If you get the chance to eat at the boarding house, TAKE IT!  You will not regret it!

And if you are wondering about the caption written on the picture of us all sitting around the table… let me explain.  So we’re all sitting around the table chatting among ourselves, devouring our food, soaking up the history, and feeling like we need a crane to get out of there.  When all of a sudden, then guy at the end of the table picks up his belongings and leaves the room.  It wasn’t until then that I realized that he wasn’t even part of our group.  I felt so bad that I didn’t talk to him and make him feel more welcome to sit with us.  I honestly thought he was with one of our members.  Oh well… live and learn.

Hey stranger guy… if you ever happen to make it to this blog and read this, I’M SORRY!  I’m sorry I didn’t realize you were alone and from now on I will definitely be more aware of who is around me and do my best to make them feel welcome.

Have you ever visited the distillery or the boarding house?  If so… I’d love to hear from you!  And for crying out loud… register for my blog updates!  SUBSCRIBE – SUBSCRIBE – SUBSCRIBE!

Donna Tomlin - March 14, 2010 - 9:36 pm

I am so glad that I got to come along on this trip. Although you keep posting that AWFUL photo of me with my eyes closed! WARN me next time so I can pose LOL. And I have subscribed..it just dosen’t love me!

Cilene Bosch - March 14, 2010 - 9:36 pm

WEndy, You couldn’t have said it any better!!!! Loved your Stranger Danger alert! Did you notice the look of the mans face and how his head hung low! I guess mine would too if I had been at a table with 13 strange photographers having to fight for my piece of fried chicken and wrangle Megan to the ground for a share of the apples!!!!!
haven’t had that much fun in a long time.
PS…loved your photos!

Wendy C. Photography - March 14, 2010 - 9:40 pm

LOL! Oh Cilene that just made me laugh so hard! That poor guy. He was probably wondering what in the world he had gotten himself into sitting at a table full of people pointing cameras in his direction every five seconds. And Meagan shared her apples with me. NAH NAH NAH NAH BOO BOO! LOL

Wendy C. Photography - March 14, 2010 - 9:41 pm

I’m sorry Donna. But I took three shots and your eyes were closed in all of them. I had to post a group shot. I guess you were just tired from getting up so early. You needed a nap. Either that or you were saying grace.

Halee Potts - March 22, 2010 - 8:29 am

Absolutely LOVE the pics!!!! :)

Bokeh Plug-In By Alien Skin For Photoshop

I’ve heard all the arguments by fellow photographers.  “You shouldn’t need a software to blur your background if you know how to shoot using the correct f/stop.”  “Why should I spend $100 on a plug-in when I can achieve the same result using a gaussian blur?” YADA YADA…

Well… I guess I’ll have to be the first to admit that those photographers are more talented than I if they can achieve a blurry background with a low f/stop when they are standing VERY far away from the subject.

Let’s face it… sometimes our focal distance doesn’t allow for us to achieve the look that we want.  Unless you can get close enough to your subject it is impossible no matter what f/stop you use.  Achieving a blurry background so that your subject pops takes more than simply a low f/stop.  Your shutter speed, your focal distance, your f/stop… all of that comes into play.  If you are shooting an action shot, you know that your shutter speed must be super fast in order to freeze the motion of the subject. I could go on and on.  Just take a look at the two photos below.  The first one is before applying the Bokeh effect using the Bokeh software by Alien Skin.  The second shot is after applying Bokeh.  Notice the difference in the backgrounds and how the second shot makes the subjects really pop?  I’M IN LOVE WITH BOKEH!

Nashville Wedding Photographers:  Wendy C. Photography

Nashville Wedding Photographers:  Wendy C. Photography

Alien Skin has a plug-in for Photoshop called Bokeh that allows you to use the quick selection tool to trace your subject and then automatically apply a blurry effect to the background so that it removes the noise from your photo!  You can even add various shapes to the background to create light effects, as well as different vignettes.  I have to say that I am in love with this plug-in! This is my initial reaction to this plug-in and I have a lot of more “playing” to do with the software before I understand its full capabilities… but I’d have to say that so far I think this is a great plug-in for any photographer to have in his or her collection.

When Alien Skin sent me the software to try out,  I had doubts.  But I love it so much that I talked them into providing me with another copy to give away to someone in the photography group.

In order to be eligible you must be an active member of the Nashville Photography Meetup Group.  And when I say active… I mean that you must attend our meetings on a regular basis.  Being a member does not automatically qualify you.  You must participate.

I will be holding a Photoshop workshop soon, and that may just be the perfect time for me to give it away.  You never know!  But I suggest members getting active before then because you can’t show up for your first meeting with us expecting to win.  I need to see active participation on a regular basis.  I will announce rules later, but just keep in mind that your participation will be the largest factor.

If you would like to join the Nashville Photography Meetup Group, then click the link to go to the site.  Signing up is free!  And if you become an active member, you could win a copy of Alien Skin’s Bokeh software.

Donna Tomlin - March 14, 2010 - 3:15 pm

DROOLING~