Hello web peeps! I am so happy that you found your way back over to the blog for another Wedding Wednesday. Today’s post is going to be a little different. I originally intended to post something relating to wedding planning ideas every Wednesday. But I had an epiphany regarding my own marriage so I thought to myself, “Self… why does Wednesday have to only be about planning a wedding? Why can’t it also be about planning your relationship?” So after I gave myself a nice little pat on the back, I rushed to my laptop to start typing this post! In case you can’t read the enthusiasm in my words, let me just tell you that I am doing my little happy dance again! This epiphany that I had about my own marriage is something that I want to share with every couple that is getting married in hopes that it will one day help you with your commitment to each other!
When I got married to Scott in the year 2000, we included something a little different into our ceremony. He and I both had been married before, and he had two children from his first marriage. After counseling with our minister, he suggested a rose ceremony. What this involved was Scott and I exchanging a rose with each other, as well as us presenting a rose to each one of the children at the alter. This was perfect because it brought the children out of their seats and up to the alter with us. It allowed us to involve the children into our ceremony, and it served as a sign that I accepted and loved his children just as much as I did their father.
The premise behind the rose ceremony was explained by our minister to everyone after the rose exchange! The exchange served as our first gift to each other as husband and wife. It was beautiful, and he encouraged Scott and me to love each other unconditionally… to never go to bed angry about anything… to never go to bed without saying “I love you” and “Sweet dreams.” The rose is a symbol of love, and that symbol carried over into our lives for several years after our ceremony.
Our minister ended up giving us a rose bush as a wedding gift. It was beautiful and unexpected when he handed it to us during the rose ceremony. He told us that when Scott and I were angry with each other about something, no matter how big or small, that we were to go pick a rose from the rose bush and leave it on each other’s pillow on our bed as a symbol and reminder of our love when it is difficult to say, “I’m sorry.”
Well… this worked fabulously, until I killed the rose bush! And it was all down hill from there. Scott and I almost got a divorce not too long ago. It was a terrible time in our lives, and the entire family is suffering from it. Our immediate and extended families were all effected by our problem. Scott and I were still living in the same house with each other, but we couldn’t even be in the same room. We had different living quarters. We slept in separate bedrooms, had separate living rooms, and usually met each other at the door in passing when he came home from work and I got in my car to leave! It was HORRIBLE!
But then one day I woke up after he had already left for work, and I came downstairs to a freshly brewed pot of coffee. My coffee mug, a spoon, the sugar, and the creamer were all laid out neatly on a paper towel in front of the coffee pot. I wanted so badly to pour it out just for spite and fix my own pot of coffee, but let’s face it… he has always made tastier coffee than I. So I resisted the urge to make another pot, and I drank what he had fixed for me. I knew I should have addressed him when he came home that night and thank him for the pot of coffee, but I just couldn’t. I couldn’t look at him. I couldn’t speak to him still. I was getting a divorce from him and that was final!
We still fought about things every day that we were around each other… but mostly we just tried to avoid each other. But it never failed. I woke up every morning to a fresh pot of coffee. Eventually I became confused. I just couldn’t understand why he continued to make sure I had coffee every morning when he had expressed to me over and over that he wanted a divorce just as much as I. But you know what? This pot of coffee became our rose bush! He never even drank any of the coffee for himself. It was always a special pot just for me.
I’m still not sure to this day if Scott knew what he was doing when he began fixing me coffee every morning. It confused me at first, and I experienced a roller coaster of emotions over the few months that went by after he started making coffee. But it eventually led to us speaking to each other, and ultimately working out our problems.
We have both gone through a huge transformation since we decided to make our marriage work. For me, it took me handing everything over to God and letting Him drive for a while. And I still have to fight the urge to leave Scott every single time we have an argument because I had accepted the fact that he and I were over. But it is different now. I feel for the first time in our marriage that he and I are together because we WANT to be… because we DESERVE to be… because God INTENDS for us to be together. I no longer feel like I HAVE to be with him simply because we have children together. I no longer feel like I HAVE to be with him because I am SCARED to be on my own. We are together because we CHOOSE to be together. And that is the greatest feeling in the world!
I still get my pot of coffee every single morning. That has never stopped. That is the one tiny thing that he continues to do for me every single day that makes or breaks the way my day pans out. That pot of coffee has become a symbol in our marriage just like the rose was meant to be. The good thing about the coffee is… I CAN’T KILL IT.
Today I am happy to tell you that I love my husband more than ever, and am extremely happy with him. We still have spats every now and then, but it is NOTHING like it used to be. I’m not sure what kind of transformation he made or what changed in his heart and mind, but he is a totally different person than he had became at one point in our marriage. I can see that it is difficult for him sometimes when he wants to be angry with me, but he just breathes it off and continues to make my coffee and speak respectfully… even if I lose my temper.
So the object of today’s Wedding Wednesday is to encourage all couples getting married to keep in mind that it isn’t always going to be perfect. You have to plan your marriage strategy the same way you would plan a vacation every year or your retirement. You have to give something extra to each other every single day. Don’t fall into your daily routines of life every day and just assume that your bride or groom “just knows” that you love him or her. You need to show them… and always remember that actions speak louder than words!
I LOVE YOU SCOTT!
So I’m curious… do you have a rose symbol in your marriage? What do you do when you and your spouse get upset with each other to make it right? If you aren’t married… have you thought about this? What about now? I’m sure there are many spats to be had while planning a wedding! I would really love to hear from everyone… married or not! What do you do? What advice do you have for my readers? Post some comments people. And for crying out loud… SUBSCRIBE TO THIS BLOG!
This photo was taken of me and Scott while standing on top of a sand dune at the White Sands National Monument in New Mexico. My friend Meagan took this shot of us at sunset. I know I have posted this shot before on another post, but I absolutely love this picture of us. It is probably my favorite picture because you can FEEL our love for each other when you look at it. It is full of emotion.